Happy Birthday 👵🏻🥳

Dear Grandma,

It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning when I realized it was your birthday. It doesn’t seem possible that this is already the second one without you. They say it gets easier, and maybe the day to day does a little, but today it doesn’t feel any easier.

Last year I made you a cake (chocolate with chocolate frosting, of course) and I planned on it this year, but it is too hard to watch it dry out on the counter. You’re not here to eat it, so what’s the point? I think about you every time I make a cake anyway. We all laugh and say “It’s so moist! What did you put in it?,” the way you always used to. As if we didn’t just make it from a box mix as usual. I guess it just tasted better to you when you didn’t have to make it yourself. Or, being you, you probably always cooked it too long to make sure it was done. My trick is that I never fully cook anything…

A lot has happened since you’ve been gone, and still some things haven’t changed at all. The girls are bigger and more expensive. Ollie is playing football now, which I’m sure would have made you a nervous wreck. I know it does me. They miss you. They spend a lot of time at the house with Valerie. I go there sometimes, but it is still hard to not see you down the hallway in your chair watching HGTV or the ID channel.

I started playing Words again awhile back and it’s become like an addiction. It makes me feel close to you. Abigail started a game with me from your iPad and it was very bizarre to see your name. If I can play the word “god” I do, even if it means less points, because I know that’s what you would do. They improved the game and there are daily challenges that you would have loved.

You got a letter from Chuck recently. I finally started a letter back to him, but it’s hard to know what to say. I’m going to send it soon. James has been reaching out too, but I’m not sure I want to open that door.

On my birthday this year we rescued 3 kittens. I was able to get rid of 2 of them and Valerie kept one. Her name is Tilly and she keeps Valerie and the girls busy. I think it’s been good for her to have something to take care of. She is less lonely, too.

We lost Tuck this year, which is still really hard to think about. I really want a new puppy, but my hands are full with Benji and Bocephus, and I’m not sure I’m ready. Speaking of Bocephus, he is finally getting out of his puppy stage and becoming a very good dog. Tim would love to have another one, but I refuse to go through that again, haha. We took him to the cabin this summer and he had the time of his life. He wasn’t too pleased when we came back to the heat.

I’m finally almost done with school. Or, this degree anyway, I might keep going. I shouldn’t have put off Spanish for so long and I would have been done by now. I will graduate in December. I’m still not sure what I want to do, but I’m starting a class this week that should help me figure that out. Mostly I just wanted the degree to make you proud.

We’ve been going through some stuff with Tim. So I hope you’re up there watching over him. If anyone could use a guardian angel it is him.

I’ll never stop missing you. I can’t bring myself to delete your text messages that you always signed with a grandma emoji. I read them occasionally, but they just make it harder. How weird is it that the last one saved was from your birthday?

I wish we could have had you longer. It isn’t really fair that you’re gone, but I guess life isn’t fair. That’s what they say anyway.

Miss you lots,

Your Pretty Precious Princess 👸